Why new year’s resolutions fail and how therapy helps you create changes

The idea of January often comes with a fresh wave of hope and motivation, but also pressure. Many people make resolutions with genuine enthusiasm — “This year will be different!” — only to feel defeated weeks later.

Studies show that most resolutions dissolve by mid-January (Wiseman, 2007), not because people lack willpower, but because resolutions are often built on unrealistic expectations, shame-based motivation, or all-or-nothing thinking. Therapy can offer a different path, which may help you achieve sustainable change.

Why traditional resolutions don’t work

Most resolutions fail because they rely on pressure rather than support.

Here are the most common reasons:

1. They’re based on unrealistic and perfectionistic goals, not progress.

Resolutions like “stop eating junk food” or “work out every day” leave no room for human error or the demands of daily life.

2. They focus on outcomes, not habits.

People aim for big goals: lose weight, meditate daily, save more money, without building the small steps that make change possible.

3. They come from shame or self-criticism.

Resolutions formed from “I’m not good enough” or “I have to fix myself” rarely last; however, shame may actually make you less motivated.

4. They ignore nervous system capacity.

If you’re burned out, anxious, or overwhelmed, your brain cannot maintain new habits without first restoring safety and regulation.

5. They trigger all-or-nothing thinking.

One slip leads to “Well, I already failed, so I might as well give up.”

What actually helps you create lasting change

Therapy takes a different approach. Instead of relying on pressure or willpower, therapy helps you understand what’s beneath your patterns and how to shift them gently and sustainably. Approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) focuses on values, such as compassion, growth, and creativity, rather than resolutions. When goals flow from values, they feel meaningful rather than forced.

Therapy also teaches you how to regulate your emotions. When you have the tools to manage stress and self-doubt, you may be more likely to make more sustainable choices.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) may help you challenge black-and-white thoughts like, “If I can’t do it perfectly, there’s no point,” and “If I slip once, I’ve failed.”

Final thoughts

New Year’s resolutions may be difficult to stick to, but with the right approach and support, you may be able to start seeing progress. Therapy can help you understand your values better, set flexible and realistic goals, and make small, but meaningful changes.